Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead
by meganmadeafunny
Summary: A crossover of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and The Walking Dead


_[Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in a dark room.]_

Guildenstern: Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh...

Rosencrantz: Guildenstern, are we dead?

Guildenstern: Uuuuuuummmm, I dunno. Why? Do you feel dead?

Rosencrantz: Well, no. But what does it feel like to be dead?

_[Distant moans]_

Guildenstern: How should I know? Where are we? Do you hear that?

Rosencrantz: Hear what?

_[More moans. A crash. Then a rustling sound.]_

Guildenstern: That.

Rosencrantz: What?

Guildenstern: You idiot! That rustling noise!

Rosencrantz: What?

Guildenstern: Never mind.

Rosencrantz: Hey, there's a door over here!

_[Blindly shuffles over to the door. Trips and falls. A loud bang. Then silence. Falls again. Another loud bang. Scrambles to find the handle. Finally finds it and opens door. Light pours in, allowing the room and everything in it to be seen.]_

Guildenstern: Rosencrantz, what's wrong with your face?

Rosencrantz: What? What's wrong with _your_ face?

Guildenstern: _My_ face?

Rosencrantz: Yes, _your_ face. Unless, of course, _your _face is also my face, which would mean that _I_ am also you as well as me, and _you_ are also me as well as you. Therefore, we are the same person with the same face, unless I was hallucinating, then _you_ would be just a hallucination, which would make _me_ a hallucination, but one cannot hallucinate oneself because hallucinations are incapable of hallucinating hallucinations. Therefore we are twins.

Guildenstern: Twins? But I have no memories of you being my brother.

Rosencrantz: Perhaps I am your sister then.

Guildenstern: Sister? But that would make you my grandmother's brother's nephew's daughter's niece's cousin.

Rosencrantz: Yeah? So?

Guildenstern: My grandmother didn't have a brother.

Rosencrantz: Perhaps your grandmother's brother was her sister, then.

_[Silence.]_

Guildenstern: Even if my grandmother's brother was actually her sister, and we are in fact twins, I being your brother and you being my sister, why are you dressed like a man?

Rosencrantz: Good question... Can't say that I know.

_[The moaning returns.]_

Guildenstern: And what is that noise?

Rosencrantz: Let's find out.

_[Opens door and steps outside. Guildenstern reluctantly follows. Hundreds of people can be seen meandering about.]_

Guildenstern: What are all these people doing? They don't look so good.

Rosencrantz: Brother, their faces are messed up just like ours! They must know where we are! Excuse me sir, what is this place?

Sickly Man: djdfgsjbgkjaebghaklmaodmdmnmmmmmm...

Rosencrantz: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

Sickly Man: JHGBjrfejferkfnuaosiddoaimwklmmmm...

Rosencrantz _[to Guildenstern]_: I don't think he knows.

Guildenstern: Did you ask that lady?

Rosencrantz _[to sickly lady]_: Excuse me ma'am, do you know where we are?

Sickly Lady _[whispers to herself]_: Everyone's dead… Rick… Carl… Judith… they're all dead… because of me… so hungry…

Rosencrantz _[to Guildenstern]_: She's kinda creepy.

_[Suddenly, the crowd turns to walk in the same direction.]_

Guildenstern: What's going on?

Rosencrantz: How should I know? Why do you always expect me to know everything? Who do you think I am? Santa?

Guildenstern: No you can't be Santa. Santa's a man.

Rosencrantz: Oh, I forgot.

Guildenstern: How could you possibly forget that Santa is a man? His name is _Mr._ Claus and he has a beard!

Rosencrantz: You moron, that's not what I meant…

Guildenstern: Everybody's leaving.

Rosencrantz: So?

Guildenstern: Well… shouldn't we follow them?

Rosencrantz: I don't feel like it.

Guildenstern: But Rosey-

Rosencrantz: Don't call me that!

Guildenstern: But sis-

Rosencrantz: FINE!

Guildenstern: Yay!

_[They turn to follow the group. After a while, they stumble into a town.]_

Rosencrantz: Guildenstern, when was the last time we ate?

Guildenstern: I don't remember. Why?

Rosencrantz: Because I'm starving.

Guildenstern: Me too.

_[Gunshots fire in the distance. The horde heads towards it.]_

Rosencrantz: It sounds like we're heading towards more people! Maybe they'll have some food! I am so hungry!

_[The gunshots cease. The crowd gathers around in front of a building. A scream.]_

Rosencrantz: OH MY GOSH THEY'RE EATING THAT LADY!

Guildenstern: What? Food? I want some!

Rosencrantz: GUILDENSTERN YOU DON'T JUST EAT PEOPLE!

Guildenstern _[gnawing and slurping sounds]_: Mmmcchompp… I'm sorry, I can't stop myself! I'm just so hungry!

_[Meanwhile, another woman appears from behind the building and spots Guildenstern eating the body. Tears stream down her face. Rosencrantz notices this and walks towards her to console her.]_

Rosencrantz: I am so sor-

_[Bam! The woman fires her shotgun. Rosencrantz falls to the ground, as lifeless as a dead undead can possibly be.]_

Guildenstern: NO ROSEY NO!

_[Bang! She fires her shotgun again, and this time it hits Guildenstern. He also plummets to the earth, truly dead. He awakens to find himself next to Rosencrantz, in darkness.]_

Rosencrantz: Guildenstern, are we dead?


End file.
